When you’re a small, start-up “homepreneur”, intentionally or not, if you’re lucky enough not to be wearing that hat yourself, the ITG is probably your husband, wife, partner or roommate. If that’s the case, chances are at some point you’ve experienced moments of domestic discontent when technology at the ol’ SoHo isn’t quite as quick and easy As Seen On TV.

Perhaps, you’ve secretly wished you could either fire the entire department or hire a customer service intermediary trained not to mock, smirk, roll-eyes or talk to you like you’re a child. Well, the VP of IT @viciousyoga, who has held the position for almost twenty years, has undeniably earned his tenure, so firing is out of the question. However, during a recent prolonged and bumpy total Snow Leopardization of the Hoffman-Ingber household, there were definitely a couple of days when I would have paid a significant sum to avoid a few of these scenes with my own beloved resident Nick Burns.

That’s why we both laughed so hard while we watched the most recent episode of our new favorite TV show, Modern Family. (You can watch the full episode there on abc.go.com. However, ironically, if you’re on a Mac and use Safari and have survived your own Snow Leopardizing, abc.go.com does not support OSX 10.6 at the moment, but Firefox will work.)

Raining on the Snow Leopard Parade

Like Phil Dunphy, the love of my life has recently expressed an interest in purchasing a souped up home theater. Since I can see 2 broken DVD players, an AIWA mini stereo without functional CD or cassette, a VCR (that works!) from 1985 and about 7 remote controls from where I sit, I can only imagine how much fun that project will be for me.

On the other hand, I also could not have imagined the ultimate customer service excellence I experienced after my last post. I was truly surprised and delighted to discover that between hitting the “publish” button and brushing my teeth and jumping into bed with him, my dear ITG had worked his ninja hacker magic on the interwebs, logged in to my computer and stealthily placed in my iTunes full MP3 versions of all of the Lullaby Renditions of Nirvana, even though I was once again barely making my self-imposed daily deadline of posting by midnight.

Like he’s done a zillion times over his long career as my CIO, co-CEO (Experience Officer), co-CPO (Parenting Officer), best friend and, yes, Head Cheer Leader for all of my endeavors, he set that box around my heart on fire. I didn’t even have to ask.

So, even if it’s legally ill-advised to make out with your IT Department, consider sending them or him or her a thank you note next time some random upgrade that you think has nothing to do with you seems to go off without notable disruption to your day. Or maybe just because most days you can get most of your work done most of the time.

They’ll love you for it, even if they won’t marry you. It’s a hell of a job, and it’s harder than it looks.

Thank you, ITG. You’re the best. Even when it’s complicated.

That’s what we who are prone to exaggerate say when we’re really tired.

That’s what we who ignored our fairy-godmother’s warnings about dancing after midnight, not once, but twice on a weekend, say on Sundays.

I’m dead.

Something that I’ve always found to be a little ironic about yoga is that one of the best ways to rejuvenate yourself is to spend a few minutes “doing” Corpse Pose.

Savasana, although it may look like just lying around on the floor, is actually one of the most difficult yoga poses.  I’ve heard more than a few yoga instructors say so. That’s probably why I too often skip over it and jump back into my day even though I know I should end each practice with at least 5 minutes or so of the pose.

A couple of tricks I’ve learned that are helpful for deeper relaxation:

1. Try relaxing each part of your body individually
2. As you concentrate on relaxing (is that an oxymoron?) each part, imagine your muscles unwinding from your bones like ribbons. Or, as I imagine – like mummy wrappings. Mummies are dead.

Here’s something to listen to while you relax. This came my way, thanks once again to the always brilliant Joe Grossberg.

Man, I wish I could figure out how to get this on my iPod. I LOVE this.

So, there. Tara Parker-Pope, I’m eating them alright. Well, not all of them.

1. Beets – Although like any normal child I hated beets as a kid,  I taught myself to love them in high-school after reading Tom Robbins’ Jitterbug Perfume just on the outside chance that lots of sex, long hot baths and beets were, in fact, the keys to life eternal. If you’ve never read Robbins, this is as good as any to start with. He’s one of my all time faves. Laughter will certainly cure you of any lingering beet loathing you may be harboring.
2. Cabbage – NYT says, “Asian-style slaw”. Survey says…”Ding, ding, ding! Yes!!!” American coleslaw is disgusting. In fact, I think all American picnic foods are gross. American potato salad, baked beans, coleslaw. Blech. Oddly, I never much cared for picnics until I married a South American. Brazilians know how to do both potato salad and beans. Oh, yeah.
3. Swiss chard – About 10 years ago, Ardeo in Cleveland Park introduced me to one of those perfect taste sensations, a diver scallop with swiss chard. It was so mouthwateringly fantastic that we sometimes went more than once a week to eat it. It’s long since gone from the menu, but I now regularly order anything on a menu with swiss chard in futile hope of recapturing that taste.
4. Cinnamon – hello, d’uh, cinnamon Pop-tarts, Cinnabon, cinnamon toast. I love her, but TPhyphenP did not do her research on this one. Americans do eat cinnamon.
5. Pomegranate juice – just add vodka and a splash of soda Antioxidants and relaxation in each little sip.
6. Dried plums – My great grandmother used to talk about prunes and bowel movements in the same sentence, so I haven’t tried this recently. However, I never thought about wrapping them in prosciutto and baking them. Anything wrapped in prosciutto is bound to be delicious, although I have a feeling that it may bring a new meaning to the term hot pocket. Thank you, Jim Gaffigan.
7. Pumpkin seeds – best when mixed with pine nuts. Blessed be Trader Joe’s for creating the holy trinity: salad + pumpkin seeds+ pine nuts = Amen.
8. Sardines – This is where I draw the line. No matter how much I try, I just can’t eat something that looks back at me. Double blech.
9. Turmeric – This one is fairly new to me, outside the occasional brush with hotdog mustard, even though I’ve long been a fan Dr. Andrew Weil. However, my new Indian food kick is sure to up my intake.
10. Frozen blueberries – What’s not to love? Each one is like a tiny purple popsicle.
11. Canned Pumpkin – I had forgotten about this one, yes, until I reread this article. If you can’t quite get yourself to jump right in to pumpkin straight from the can, try plopping a few spoonfuls into some mashed potatoes. Each tablespoon is 260% DV of Vitamin A, and it’s easily hidden by milk and butter. I keep betting on the French Paradox.

So, except for sardines (forget about it) and “dried plums” (mmm, I’ll think about it as long as the prosciutto is along for the ride), I’m not doing too badly. I knew those Cinnamon Pop-tarts weren’t so bad, even if they don’t grow on trees.

Despite disappointment, alliteration animates.

My little drama-queen in residence sprayed herself in the eye with Listerine breath-spray.

Perhaps understandable for a 10 year old.

I wonder how one explains the other  31,299.

"It says to avoid spraying in eyes!" she shrieked.

And yes, it’s funny because, once again, all’s well that ends well.

Don’t tell her I said that.

So while dancing into the wee hours of my funemployed Monday morning, I may have encouraged one or more friends to consider “slick-leave” in lieu of work. To the detriment of Greater Washington’s January productivity numbers, a few dear souls accepted the challenge and opted for various and sundry varieties of invented aches, pains and stomach disorders.

In an act of karmic justice, I awoke today, in those very same wee hours, to all of the above in a very real fashion.

To add insult to deserved injury, nearby convenience store carries only Nabisco, not Keebler saltines. Only the elves know the for these ails.

Woe is me. Please forgive me Universe. I was only kidding. Mostly.

Hmmmm…

My oldest and unhealthiest habit is a pseudo additction to Coke…-a-cola

I don’t drink it every day, but there are a zillion reasons that I do, it’s a great day; it’s a bad day; I have a headache; I’m tired, etc.

And it’s totally my doorway drug to bad eating behavior: I’m eating pizza, so I have to have a Coke OR I’m having a Coke so I have to have some chips.

I know there’s nothing good about drinking soda, but I really hate to drink water. DC water is terrible, but I’ve never been a water drinker.

Anyway, I’m currently trying to break my habit with Canada Dry Green Tea Ginger Ale. Hey, tea is good for you, right? And supposedly it has 100% of your Vitamin C requirement.

I know that’s total crap, but every day, one day at a time.

What do you expect, it’s not The Real Thing.

PS – I had a Coke at dinner, so Day one starts again in 2 minutes.

Except maybe “ouch” or “help” or “excuse me, you’re standing on my face.”

And what is this guy looking for? I wouldn’t have guessed one could win anything by purposely sticking your head up your own ass.

HeadUpAs(s)ana

.

The feature list sounds very cool. I was particularly excited about being able to set up your own session from 1-36 minutes, and especially enjoying thinking about 1-5 minute sessions because, um, I’m lazy and distractable if you haven’t figured that out yet.

However, I have to admit I paid my $0.99 mostly because I like the look of it. It’s really a beautiful app.

I think they should make a YogaRelax/Bejeweled mashup.

Then I might be more inclined to spend 55 minutes working at it.

Is nirvana the ultimate high score for yoga? I’m sure it takes a few more levels and more than 41,270 points.

I better get my ass up and move it some. So far today I’m working on a very high score for relaxing.

I guess I also laugh when I’m by myself. You can too. It’s good for you.

Michelle Roars Like a Lion

A Lion with Three Eyes

Sssshhhhh - The Lion Sleeps tonight

LIONs make me LOL

Here’s a more professional interpretation, but it’s still funny. KISS concert preparation, that guy’s a regular riot.

Oh, and in case you were wondering why no bear?

Why, it’s Colbert -

I haven’t had time to read it yet, but I remembered I first heard about Laughter Yoga when I read his book A Whole New Mind