So, there. Tara Parker-Pope, I’m eating them alright. Well, not all of them.

1. Beets – Although like any normal child I hated beets as a kid,  I taught myself to love them in high-school after reading Tom Robbins’ Jitterbug Perfume just on the outside chance that lots of sex, long hot baths and beets were, in fact, the keys to life eternal. If you’ve never read Robbins, this is as good as any to start with. He’s one of my all time faves. Laughter will certainly cure you of any lingering beet loathing you may be harboring.
2. Cabbage – NYT says, “Asian-style slaw”. Survey says…”Ding, ding, ding! Yes!!!” American coleslaw is disgusting. In fact, I think all American picnic foods are gross. American potato salad, baked beans, coleslaw. Blech. Oddly, I never much cared for picnics until I married a South American. Brazilians know how to do both potato salad and beans. Oh, yeah.
3. Swiss chard – About 10 years ago, Ardeo in Cleveland Park introduced me to one of those perfect taste sensations, a diver scallop with swiss chard. It was so mouthwateringly fantastic that we sometimes went more than once a week to eat it. It’s long since gone from the menu, but I now regularly order anything on a menu with swiss chard in futile hope of recapturing that taste.
4. Cinnamon – hello, d’uh, cinnamon Pop-tarts, Cinnabon, cinnamon toast. I love her, but TPhyphenP did not do her research on this one. Americans do eat cinnamon.
5. Pomegranate juice – just add vodka and a splash of soda Antioxidants and relaxation in each little sip.
6. Dried plums – My great grandmother used to talk about prunes and bowel movements in the same sentence, so I haven’t tried this recently. However, I never thought about wrapping them in prosciutto and baking them. Anything wrapped in prosciutto is bound to be delicious, although I have a feeling that it may bring a new meaning to the term hot pocket. Thank you, Jim Gaffigan.
7. Pumpkin seeds – best when mixed with pine nuts. Blessed be Trader Joe’s for creating the holy trinity: salad + pumpkin seeds+ pine nuts = Amen.
8. Sardines – This is where I draw the line. No matter how much I try, I just can’t eat something that looks back at me. Double blech.
9. Turmeric – This one is fairly new to me, outside the occasional brush with hotdog mustard, even though I’ve long been a fan Dr. Andrew Weil. However, my new Indian food kick is sure to up my intake.
10. Frozen blueberries – What’s not to love? Each one is like a tiny purple popsicle.
11. Canned Pumpkin – I had forgotten about this one, yes, until I reread this article. If you can’t quite get yourself to jump right in to pumpkin straight from the can, try plopping a few spoonfuls into some mashed potatoes. Each tablespoon is 260% DV of Vitamin A, and it’s easily hidden by milk and butter. I keep betting on the French Paradox.

So, except for sardines (forget about it) and “dried plums” (mmm, I’ll think about it as long as the prosciutto is along for the ride), I’m not doing too badly. I knew those Cinnamon Pop-tarts weren’t so bad, even if they don’t grow on trees.

So while dancing into the wee hours of my funemployed Monday morning, I may have encouraged one or more friends to consider “slick-leave” in lieu of work. To the detriment of Greater Washington’s January productivity numbers, a few dear souls accepted the challenge and opted for various and sundry varieties of invented aches, pains and stomach disorders.

In an act of karmic justice, I awoke today, in those very same wee hours, to all of the above in a very real fashion.

To add insult to deserved injury, nearby convenience store carries only Nabisco, not Keebler saltines. Only the elves know the for these ails.

Woe is me. Please forgive me Universe. I was only kidding. Mostly.

Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.

There are three things wrong with this approach:

1. I’m fairly certain I must have a genetic deficiency of yellow dye 5. How else could you explain my unnatural and ending “need” for all things cheese food.
2. “Much”, “mucho” and “more” are either my three favorite flavors or my three main food groups. I can never keep them straight. Probably 5th graders know.
3. Pop-tarts don’t grow on trees.

Mmmmm. Cheese food.

Hmmmm…

My oldest and unhealthiest habit is a pseudo additction to Coke…-a-cola

I don’t drink it every day, but there are a zillion reasons that I do, it’s a great day; it’s a bad day; I have a headache; I’m tired, etc.

And it’s totally my doorway drug to bad eating behavior: I’m eating pizza, so I have to have a Coke OR I’m having a Coke so I have to have some chips.

I know there’s nothing good about drinking soda, but I really hate to drink water. DC water is terrible, but I’ve never been a water drinker.

Anyway, I’m currently trying to break my habit with Canada Dry Green Tea Ginger Ale. Hey, tea is good for you, right? And supposedly it has 100% of your Vitamin C requirement.

I know that’s total crap, but every day, one day at a time.

What do you expect, it’s not The Real Thing.

PS – I had a Coke at dinner, so Day one starts again in 2 minutes.

“Last year the government spent less on the Ministry of Silly Walks than it did on national defense.”

Typically, I don’t believe my posts will be of a political nature, but this one’s been on my mind for a while. For me, one of the most discouraging and disappointing aspects of the current debate on healthcare reform is the total lack of discussion about personal responsibility in healthcare. For the record, I’m for universal healthcare, but I see no reason why it shouldn’t come at the expense of some “personal freedom(s).”

For instance, if you wanted to use a (non-existant) “public option”, you  wouldn’t be allowed to smoke, and you’d have to be a card carrying member of – a gym! or otherwise be able to prove you make a reasonable and regular effort to get off your butt for a while each day.

Why are we talking about requiring health insurance when we could just as easily require gym membership with better longterm results. Why isn’t the Plastics Lobby rallying for mandatory ultimate frisbee team participation or for buying everyone in America a hula hoop!

I’m perfectly willing to contribute my share of taxes so others who are uninsured can get healthcare coverage. However, if you’re going to to use my hard earned dollars for your healthcare, you better take care of yourself!

Are you a smoker? Yes? Not eligible! Do you walk 30 minutes a day? No? Not eligible!

And yes, I realize there would have to be all kinds of exceptions for people who can’t walk and, blah, blah, but let’s face it, for the vast majority of us, “sitting disease” happens in a deskchair not a wheelchair.

And to that, I’m no exception.

Here’s how I know. About nine weeks ago, I started using this new gadget and website, Philips DirectLife. I’ll write more about it in the coming days and weeks, but during my Assessment Period, sitting at my computer for most days, most of the time, here’s what it showed: Me = Less Fit. Gross.

I sit on my butt for a living

Since then, I’ve been sometimes more, sometimes less successful meeting my gradually increasing activity goals each week, but to illustrate my point of the efficacy of a Hoopin’ Healthcare Plan, check this out:

I bought my hoop yesterday!

But even if we can’t afford the hoops, an amazing free and easy solution to our nation’s activity deficit has been proposed by the MSW. You can’t tell me that we wouldn’t burn a ton of extra calories each day under this administration.

“Let the big booty girls put their hands in the air!”

I gleefully danced and held my hands up high. It turns out new research shows I had good reason to celebrate.

If you happen to refer to your bum as bumbum, as many an amiga of mine is like to do, there’s good news for you too.

If you had any doubts, here’s proof in super slow-mo, but a word of caution – this beauty just might actually give you a heart attack!

And while I was on my BIG walk home earlier today, I was debating about whether or not I actually wanted to keep the trend going by trying a few inexpensive Exotic Dance classes, or Exoterobics thanks to today’s Living Social Deal of the Day.

My health, wellness and, dare I say, beauty kick lately has been greatly bolstered thanks to Living Social Deals and Groupon, sort of a Michelle 2.0.1.0 upgrade plan with hot-stone massage and IPL treatments at Back-to-Health, aVitalize Peel at SKIN in Georgetown, and some yoga classes at Spiral Flight Yoga. (I won’t mention the couple dozen cupcakes from Red Velvet.)

As the steps accumulated up the hill, I realized I had a Groupon/LivingSocial Wellness and Weight Loss plan on my hands. I decided I’ll go ahead and try the Chair Work/Strip Aerobics/Floorwork/Body-licious combo – for the blogging material. Besides, “Chair Work” sounds like a great ironic treatment for “sitting disease“.

I also decided to check out what was happening on Groupon today. Turns out it’s a deal on house cleaning – also tempting, hmmmmm….

However, “Today’s Side Deal” at Groupon – 58% discount on “Weight Loss for Tired People”. Hahaha. Awesome. Made me laugh. Okay, I chuckled.

Either way, the website made me more tired. (Tired-er?)

I hate these long infomercial-style web pages. I’m sure there must be some research out there on the effectiveness of selling this type of service because you see a lot of them, but despite my connection with the content, I’m passing on this one. Just makes me feel how much I’m being sold to. Plus thinking of 12 weeks of something -anything- makes me feel really, really tired. (Tired-er-est.)

And it’s kind of bugging me that “tired” looks like it was colored with crayons. Wouldn’t that be tiring? Is it supposed to embody tiredness just because some kid did a shitty job of coloring between the lines? I don’t know, it probably only bugged me after I had to read that 30 foot long page.

CHC, Eve Colantoni does get bonus points as a Betty Paige look alike, though.

Eve doesn't look tired - she looks like Betty Page

I would definitely take a weight loss class from Betty Page. Hell, I’d probably take any class from Betty Page, especially for 12-weeks.

However, weightlossfortiredpeople.com earns rather disappointing SEO (search engine optimization) especially for a unique business name. Doesn’t make it to the first page of Google results. Perhaps my links will give her a lift even if I’m too tired to sign up for her program, which actually sounds quite interesting.

On the other hand, I’m going to go ahead and pony up the $19 for the Exoterobics, despite The P Spot sporting quite possibly the worst website I’ve seen in a long, long time. A brilliant example of “just because you can, doesn’t mean you should” web design.

• doesn’t work in Safari
• all those crazy fonts – perhaps I’m not the intended demographic, but even reading glasses didn’t help!
• too many media formats
• a really long list of WTFs from the usability, design and architecture perspective.
• to tell the truth, this site made me tired too…

But it’s only three classes, not twelve weeks.

Besides, momma needs a new pair of shoes. Wish me luck.

I guess I also laugh when I’m by myself. You can too. It’s good for you.

Michelle Roars Like a Lion

A Lion with Three Eyes

Sssshhhhh - The Lion Sleeps tonight

LIONs make me LOL

Here’s a more professional interpretation, but it’s still funny. KISS concert preparation, that guy’s a regular riot.

Oh, and in case you were wondering why no bear?

Why, it’s Colbert -

Decided to watch a little CNN during my lunch break to see what’s going on in the world. Mostly depressing.** Seems like it’s relatively easy for anyone to get explosives in Yemen. The “Big Freeze” will continue throughout the week. And the national chain of yoga and wellness centers, Dahn Yoga, is being investigated as a possible cult. Dang,  Dahn!

Interestingly, there are several, well three to be exact, Dahn Yoga centers here in DC.

Dahn Yoga Locations in DC

I’ve picked up their brochures several times (yes, actually several) over the years and considered checking them out at both their 14th St and Connecticut Ave locations, but I remember thinking their yoga classes seemed kind of expensive so I never followed through. Extra overhead for lavish lifestyle of Ichi Li?

I don’t know. Even though it sounds pretty sketchy, this reporting seems to be rather one sided, although in later segments Kyra (one of my favorite names!) Phillips looks like she’s intrigued by the outpouring of support from Dahn devotees.

Still, I think I prefer a practice of Saluting the Sun, rather than bowing to “the Don”

Come on, you have to admit, whether body guards or “The Family”, those guys look like the mafia.

**CNN is hard up for good news, I guess, so they’ve instituted the “Random Moment of the Day”. This is what they came up with.

Afterwards the news anchor commented that he thought the koalas must have read the research that lead to this article. Random? or another Karmic Coincidence? The main interviewee – a yoga instructor

The solution should have been obvious, of course. So naturally, I sat down at the computer to start this blog.

I’ve been thinking about starting this project for, geez, way too long. Yes, sitting on my butt, thinking about it. Well, not always sitting and thinking. There have been plenty of times where I’ve actually been on the mat thinking about writing it. Plenty of poses and pondering over the last two years. But I’m declaring the new decade shall be one of Action! Will you join me?

I’ve realized for a long time that some of my most creative insights and ideas come precisely when I’m trying to clear my mind on the mat; when I’m inside out and upside down; when I’m trying to think of nothing – good things come to mind. Then I love yoga, and I want to jump up and work on my new ideas right then, but you’re “supposed to” stick with your practice…

So I stick to it for a while, and then when I’m trying to ignore my pain, my inflexibility and my lack of “progress”; when I’m trying not to compare myself with skinny yoga chicks, or trying not to laugh at sweaty yoga dudes; or just trying not to be a wimp and hold a pose for more than 2 freaking seconds without wanting to do something else; or when I’m trying not to reprimand myself for thinking un-yogic thoughts, well because you’re not “supposed to” think of stuff like that when you’re doing yoga… But I do. Then I feel bad. And I can’t concentrate. And then I think I suck. Then I hate yoga, and I quit. For a while.

And so it goes back and forth, off and on, yin and yang, sun and moon, love and hate…

But when I think about it, I guess I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with yoga. When I say “always” I bet it seems like an exaggeration to some of you, but we’re talking just shy of 40 years. ugh. That’s kind of depressing just writing that. So, wow! you say. How could you possibly be loving and hating yoga for that long?

Well, while the idea for this blog has been floating around in my head for a mere two years! or so, it was just last month, the week before my birthday, when NPR was telling me in the car, and CNN was showing me on television and Google was reminding me every goddamn day for a week that I was over 40 years old that I realized that I first started hating and loving yoga while waiting for Sesame Street to come on.

Back in the day,  Sesame Street was the only thing to watch in the afternoons. It came on at 5, followed by The Electric Company, at 6, then Zoom, then some crap PBS news show (hey, I was 7, and it wasn’t Walter Cronkite). In the early 70’s I was a little old for the direct Sesame Street demographic since I actually already knew my ABC’s and 123’s, but there was nothing else on, so I had to wait until 5 for anything kid related.

But as often as not, I’d turn on the TV a little early, and there she was, the original Tele-Yogini, Lilias! Yoga and You on PBS. I hated that she was the only thing between me and Ernie with a banana in his ear, but I loved doing the poses along with her.

Man, if only I’d known what a gift it was then to just effortlessly roll my feet back over my head (Plow Pose) or pick my own butt off the floor with my hands (Candle Pose). I also loved that big crazy braid. I had one just like it. She was the only grown-up I knew with a big crazy braid.

So there you go. I’ve been loving and hating this yoga thing for a long, looonnng time. But in the spirit of New Year’s Resolutions or Yogic Intentions or whatever your thing is, here’s wishing that in 2010, this irreverent look at yoga, movement, humor and fitness gets at least one of us moving more and laughing more on a regular basis, and hoping that new technologies can help dig us out of the hole that we’ve let ourselves fall into.

By the way, I did take a break while I was writing this and did 10 minutes of Sun Salutations, a couple Triangles, and some twists. What did you do today?